he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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