Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
