Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
