I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
