Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
