He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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