Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
