I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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