Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
