my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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