Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
