somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
