the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize