Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
