Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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