Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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