How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
