chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize