If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
