This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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