this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Life without a bra equals bliss.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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