No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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