My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
