Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
