her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
