im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
