meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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