Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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