he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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