8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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