i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
