As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize