Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
