Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
