I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
are you so shy because you have an std?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
