New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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