I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Someone signed my nipple.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
