Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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