so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
