fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
His nipple licking is glorious
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