then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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