apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
