you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
