Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
