you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
