is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
