Michael Bay diarrhea
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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