Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
