at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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