Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
