Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
