If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
