hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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