Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
