I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
