I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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