i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
