We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
