I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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