it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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