There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
