She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
