I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Randomize
