If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
