I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
