They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
