nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
