Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
