I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
ttyl tear gas
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
