Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
