i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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