My balls are so social today.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
