ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My ass is underappreciated
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
