you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
