in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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